If Only For A Moment
by Eclectic Poison
Summary: In a winter wonderland they could be found. Until the reality of it all came crashing down. [RemusLily][Marauder Period][Chapters 24 Up]
1. The Marauder's Kiss

If Only For A Moment

"Remus? Hi, Remus."

Lily Evans long red hair and big green eyes came into Remus Lupin's view. He was peering at her over his book on werewolves that Sirius had bought him for Christmas. He smiled lightly at Lily. He sat outside in the bitter wind of the courtyard, alone, reading by the empty fountain. Lily approached him, the wind bashing at her hair and her scarf flying in the wind. Her cheeks were rosy red and she smiled with teeth as white as the snow that had fallen the night before.

No snow was falling now, but it was horribly cold outside. "Why are you out here during break?" Lily asked, sitting down next to Remus. "It's freezing out here."

Raising an eyebrow at this girl he barely knew, Remus closed his book and set it down on his lap. "Couldn't I ask you the same thing?" he asked.

Lily giggled and looked down at her gloved hands. "Yeah, you could, but I asked first," she said after a moment, looking up at him.

Her eyes…why has he never noticed how pretty Lily's eyes were? Admittedly the only time Remus was really around her was when she and James were snogging or other wise in their Advanced Potions class where Lily was a favorite and sat in the front while Remus preferred the back by himself. Flustered, he answered, "Just reading, you know. I mean, it's so loud in the Common Room, and, well, this place is just really quiet and…serene," he said, surveying the snow scape that was in front of them. The light mounds of sparkling snow and trees covered in ice, catching the light.

There was a short silence in which the two looked at the beauty that seemed to be only for them. "Yeah, well, it is nice out here isn't it?" Lily said quietly. They watched as a few owls left the owlry in succession.

"That doesn't exactly tell me why you're out here, now does it?" Remus asked, grinning at her. Lily blushed and smiled back.

"James can be a bit abrasive, you know?" Lily asked, not really wanting an answer, although Remus agreed in a way. "I mean, he's great, really smart and…creative." Not exactly the words Remus would have used. Cunning and devious more like it. "But sometimes it's nice to take a break from the ordinary, you know?"

Silently Remus agreed. It wasn't his place to intervene and say much. All he could do was nod lightly and admire the silkiness of her hair.

"Sometimes I…well, I…you wouldn't tell James, right Remus?" Lily asked, looking at him. "You wouldn't tell him if I told you, er, something about him? Something I've never really told anyone else, right? You'd keep that a secret?"

Remus thought he quite would. He managed to say, "Yeah, of course…I would, Lily."

Lily nodded. "Of course. Well, it's just that, I really do care about James. He's a great person , I know he'll be a great wizard one day. I really think that. But sometimes I wonder if we're right for each other. He's so…sneaky and always playing tricks on people. I mean, I don't like that sort of stuff, you know? And James, he's, well, academically I'm smarter. But for real stuff? If some Dark wizard were to come James would be able to handle that. Me, not so much. It's our seventh year, there are some people thinking of marrying soon! I don't know if I could ever be with James that way."

Lily stopped, her face quite red, she put a hand to chest and looked confused. Remus had no idea what to say. Finally he managed to say what he thought, though with some difficulty. "Well, er…I mean, not to…that is…not to, you know, discourage you or anything, but…well, if that's how you feel, if it really is, than maybe…er. Well, I'm saying this, putting it out there, you understand?" Lily was looking at him with the utmost of curiosity on her face. Remus nervously clutched at the book in his lap and scolded himself. _Stupid, Remus, this isn't about your feelings. It's about hers. _"Never mind," he said, hurriedly, "I…just for---"

It was a strange feeling. Because Remus realized they hardly knew each other. He nearly dropped his book in the snow at their feet as Lily grabbed the collar of his jacket and pulled him forward, bring their lips together in an awkward sort of meeting. Remus wondered if he was as good a snogger as James, maybe better as he found himself kissing her back, the book dropped on the ground, forgotten.

Then there was the realization. He was snogging his best friend's girlfriend. Lily seemed to realize the gravity of the situation too, for all of a sudden she backed away and closed those brilliant eyes. Remus stared at her as her mouth formed the words. "Oh, shit." She opened her eyes, saw Remus' grey ones looking at her quizzically and avoided them. She stooped to pick up his book. It lay open to the title page. _Werewolves: The Many Aspects_.

Remus beat her to the book, picking it up quickly and snapping it shut. Lily blushed heavily and raised a hand to her cheek as is he had just slapped her. In many ways he had. "Werewolves, huh?" she said quietly in the wonderland.

"Yeah," Remus replied, searching for the last page he had been reading at. He hated her for doing this to him. He couldn't look at her anymore. Because he hated himself even more for doing this to her. He found the page and pretended to read. "James is probably waiting," he said, bitter.

Another silence ensued. Unlike the one before it was very uncomfortable. Remus felt his own face turn red as he stared at a paragraph on the page. The words turned blurry and illegible. Finally he heard her stand up and turn. Her footsteps crunching through the snow. He looked up to see her leaving the courtyard. One hand trailing on the stone wall. If only for a moment, Remus had hoped…


	2. The Wrath of Anger

Chapter Two The Wrath Of Anger

A/N: This is not meant to imply in ANY WAY that James is abusive, as many people think it does. It is only to the slight arrogence and temper that are referred to throughout the book that is meant at all. So if you even begin to think I am implying such an un-Canon and stupid move as to call James absuve, I am not. And, yes, I do realize Remus/Lily is not Canon, but it was slightly implied in small ways, although definitely not stressed upon. So, please, don't get mad because of the pairing, I think you will see in the end it was inevitable.

Lily walked slowly down the corridor. When she reached The Fat Lady's portrait she stopped and looked behind her, for she had been sure she had heard someone following her. However there was no one there. As Lily collected herself for the sure tirade of questions that were going to come her way when she entered the Common Room she found that there was only one thing she could think of. That kiss…undeniably it had been awkward and strange, but there was a certain sweetness Lily had felt. Something she had never felt before with James. How odd, to have this feeling now.

"What are you thinking about?" James said. Lily snapped her head up to face her boyfriend. It was as if he had simply materialized out of thin air. His voice was filled with accusation and arrogance, something Lily was happy he didn't show much. But when James got to this point there wasn't much Lily could do but listen.

Roughly James grabbed Lily's arm and pulled her to the corner. The Fat Lady and her friend, Vi, had been watching, much interested, as James had approached Lily. They sighed with great disappointment as James led her away. There was no one else in the hallway. Lily wondered why James had been out of the Common Room while everyone else had been in the Common Room. Of course, he was probably wondering the same thing about her. Perhaps that was just it, he had been looking for her. Or Remus.

James let go of her arm and backed away slightly. Lily grabbed her arm where he had clutched it. There was a red mark there, she knew, although she could not see for she wore a grey sweater. James appeared to have slight regret as his face reddened as he watched her. Then his face hardened into a glare. "I asked you a question," he said.

"I was only thinking about all the homework that we got in Advanced Potions today," Lily said, the first thing that popped into her head. Whether it was because Remus was in that class or not she blushed lightly and tried to make sure James thought nothing of it by smiling at him.

There was an animosity in his eyes as he narrowed them into little more than slits, watching her every move. Seeing the smile on her face fall and a look of worry crease it. "Really?" James said, drawing the word out slowly. "You weren't perhaps thinking of a certain person in our grade who I saw you with not even five minutes ago?"

"Nonsense!" Lily cried, outraged. Of, course, not because it was a lie, but because she wanted to know how the hell James knew. It was almost ten minutes ago, Lily thought to herself. "What are you talking about James?"

"Sirius and I were looking for Remus," James said. "Wondering where he was. I figured maybe he was with you, since you both had Potions this morning together. So when I saw you in the courtyard, I could see your hair from far off, I hurried to see you. Then I saw Remus was, in fact, with you. And, sure, I would've said hi or something had I not heard Remus stammering something about how you felt. Then I saw you and him…going at it not a second later. Yeah, and, maybe I should be yelling at Remus right now," James voice was rising in a strangely hushed crescendo of anger. "Maybe I should. Had I not seen you go at him. Still, stupid of him to start snogging with you. He could have pushed you away. He could have."

"He did!" Lily yelled shrilly, interrupting James' long tirade. He stared at her, his face now oddly expressionless. "I - we were - he did, James! You must have left before it happened. He pushed me away and then he said - James?" Lily realized that James was no longer looking at her, but at something, or rather someone behind her. Lily turned to see Remus, staring at the couple. He held the book in his hand, and looked only slightly irritated.

Whereas James was approaching his friend with an hostility not unknown to Lily. His wand drawn, his back to Lily, Remus looked strangely confident. In a quiet and controlled voice he spoke. "Listen, James, you can fight me, I who does not have a wand, and be a git like you always are. Or, instead, you can face things like real man, eh, James? Drop the wand, fist…to fang?"

Although Lily could not see James' face she swore she saw him go rigid in his back. Lily didn't understand why James pocketed his wand and held up his hands. "It's, er, it's tonight then is it? I didn't know. Did you tell Sirius. I ought to, then, right?"

"Sirius already knows James," Remus replied, looking quite nonchalant for someone who had just gotten James Potter to pocket a wand using naught but words. Quite an accomplishment. "Unlike you he does actually care that he can help someone with what we've learned, instead of flaunting it and smiling at the rumors like you. And, yeah, Sirius does do that, but honestly I think he does try to help, where you just think about how someone must have seen us, glimpsed us, even for a second and how that'll spread around at lightning speed."

What they've learned? Lily thought to herself, watching Remus smile grimly at James. The rumors? Sure there are the Animagus rumors, but…they're so underage! Well, technically, no, but the rumors started almost five years ago, was it? James…Sirius…I can see where they might…but Remus?

"I will kindly remind you of the fact that talk like this is not appreciated around certain peoples," James said, angrily to Remus.

Remus only smiled and bowed slightly. "If you mean Lily I can certainly oblige, then, Prongs. But, let me remind you who you wanted to tell before we swore not to. Yes, all those years ago. I believe you know what I speak of. Indeed, I can tell by your face." There was a slight edge to Remus' words. And to think, how it surprised Lily, that Remus Lupin, someone Lily had always thought of as quiet and gentle could speak so harshly, if only when he needed to.

Lily watched James reach for his wand secretly as he spoke. "You need not remind me, Remus, not at all. Though, I suppose there are some things you need reminding of, are there not?" He whipped his wand and yelled: "Sectumsempra!"

Lily shrieked loudly and James staggered back. Remus was grabbing at his face. Blood was spurting out of two large gashes that had appeared on his cheek, as if James had ran at him with a sword and stabbed him. James ran to Remus' side looking positively horrified muttering over and over. "What've I done? What've I done? What have I done?" Lily's screams had brought Sirius from the stairs outside of the corridor. He looked as shocked as James did, but ran out the door at once.

Luckily Lily grabbed her wand out of her pocket, just remembering a spell they had learned the other day in charms. "Healiaro," she said, her hand shaking. The wounds covered over into two scars. The charm only lasted for an hour or so but it was the best Lily could do under the circumstances. James behind her was still muttering. Remus was oddly still, his eyes closed, but Lily reached for his arm and was relieved to find a pulse. Slow and fluttering, but a pulse. She turned to James and glared at him. "Get a hold of yourself. What a stupid move. I suspect you wouldn't have any idea what the spell even means, right?"

James shook his head. His face was extremely pale. "Read it in Snape's Potion's book. He was in the library, writing in it. Sirius and I - we were being stupid - were playing some joke on him. I saw it. The writing said: Sectumsempra For Enemies. I - well, I didn't think twice, just put it into my memory. Waiting for the right time to use it, see?"

"And this was the right time?" Lily cried. "On one of your best friends?"

"Yeah!" James yelled looking horribly fuming. "One of my best friends who was snogging with my girlfriend, that's an enemy to me!"

Suddenly behind them the portrait to the Gryffindor Common Room opened. Out streamed about fifty sixth and seventh year students. One girl screamed at the sight. "Sirius' gone to get Madam Donally," Lily said to the shocked faces. "It was an accident," she added as Madam Donally and Sirius entered the corridor.

"Oh, dear, dear, dear," Madam Donally said, clucking her tongue. "Move on you all!" she cried to the crowd. They did, whispering and spreading rumors amongst themselves. "Who used Healiaro on him?"

"It was me, Madam," Lily said quietly.

"Good thinking, Miss Evans," Madam Donally twittered. "Now, you said this was an accident, but I shall like the whole story told to Dumbledore, you see? Each of you separately, and when Mr. Lupin can, him as well. Oh, dear," she said. "This is going to scar. Hopefully it will be minimal. I'll use dittany but he'll have this for the rest of his life I'm afraid. Now follow me, you can come to the hospital wing, then off to Dumbledore's with the both of you."

James and Lily trailed behind Madam Donally who was carrying Remus' oddly limp body. She looked to be struggling but responded only with a grunt when James asked if he might help. They reached the hospital wing and Remus was set down on a bed. The wing was completely empty except for Remus now. "Alright now, I'll just send you, Mr. Potter, for Professor McGonagall…yes, she'll do. Yes, get her and bring her here. Ms. Evans you may stay here with Mr. Lupin and assist me."

Leaving hesitantly James slammed the door behind him. "Temper, temper," Madam Donally muttered, heading to her office.

Lily lightly touched the knitting on the bedspread of Remus' bed. In haste he had been thrown on top of it. Lily realized he was breathing rapidly now. She couldn't help but wonder, was it the loss of blood, or whatever it was James had referred to. What had he said? It's tonight then, is it? What was he speaking of? What? Tentatively, Lily brushed Remus' hair out of his eyes. His breathing grew raspier and he coughed. Madam Donally returned with a bottle in her hand. "Dittany, liquidized," she explained. For a few minutes Lily assisted her to give Remus the medicine. "Dear," Madam Donally said, "what is going on with him? It's only a cut," she muttered to herself.

Professor McGonagall and James entered the hospital wing at that moment. "Madam Donally, please take Mr. Potter and Ms. Evans to see the headmaster," she said, taking sight of Remus lying on the bed. "I know what to do here," she said. "Fetch Professor Slughorn for me on your way back Marie," she added, forgetting pleasantries in the moment. "Oh, password is…Sugar Quills," she added with a sort of disdainful sigh.

By the time James and Lily were led to Dumbledore's office whispers had floated through the entire school. People turned to watch them, walking with much room between them, Madam Donally much ahead of them. The people who knew them tried to get their attention and were ignored. Those who didn't know them only stared.

"Sugar Quills," James said, before Madam Donally could even utter a word. She stared at him as he headed up the stairs. Then Madam Donally left for Slughorn and Lily followed James up the stairs to the headmaster's office, wondering what in the hell she was going to say. 


	3. Accepting and Rejecting

Chapter Three: Accepting and Rejecting

A/N: This chapter is a bit long. So is chapter five which is currently in progress. Some people are saying this is very non-canon. I KNOW the pairing is, believe me, but read the story, god, don't judge on that. Other than that tell me if you think it's non-canon seriously, I need some serious feed-back on the matter. Thanks! Also thanks to EvanescoDarkness for the first review, and read the story Evanesco wrote, it's very good!

"Ah, Mr. Potter, Ms. Evans, welcome," Professor Dumbledore said with a light smile. His long beard and hair was whiter than it had been last year. The recluse strands of auburn were still trailing through his hair though, reminding the students that Dumbledore was growing older, never younger, but regaining something many lost by his age. James opened his mouth to speak, but Dumbledore raised his hand. "Mr. Potter I have already been notified by Sir Nicolas what has happened in the Gryffindor corridor. If you would stand in the hall, please, Mr. Potter, and be kind enough not to stand right at the door, as I will know if you do so, I would be much obliged.

James begrudgingly kicked at the ground and nodded. "Alright, Professor," he said hid politest of voices, faking a smile. Dumbledore smiled back, and Lily could tell he already knew much more than James thought he did. James left the office and Dumbledore waited a moment for the sound of footsteps to retreat down the stairs.

"Now, Ms. Evans," he said after a moment, turning his attention to Lily, "I have not heard much. Sir Nicolas did not actually see what happened beyond and after when you used Healiaro on the wounds of Mr. Lupin's face. And he left after he heard you say it was an accident?"

"Er, slightly misstated, sir," Lily offered watching Dumbledore's eyes sparkle knowingly.

"Misstated how, please?" he asked.

"Well…that is to say, I told some of the sixth and seventh years that to calm them down," Lily admitted. "They all came down and saw Remus on the floor like that…of course some of them jumped to the wrong conclusions. And, well, as James was not really prepared to say anything, I had to be the one to say something. Maybe I chose the wrong thing, though."

"No, no," Dumbledore said. "Of course, I knew, when I heard, this was no accident. What would provoke such an accident I wondered? But it didn't seem to be an accident, even though I knew nothing and know nothing of what happened. It still doesn't seem to be accident."

"I could  I could lie for him," Lily said quietly. Dumbledore looked at her, seemingly almost surprised. "I could, really. I mean, I thought of it of course. But I know our stories, mine, James, and Remus'. They would be too different. So really, I'll just tell the truth. James, he'll probably lie. Remus, I hope, will tell the truth also. Sometimes…the bonds of friendship can be stronger than much else."

Dumbledore nodded. "And I agree Ms. Evans, I agree. Although, I assure you Mr. Lupin  Remus as you call him  will more than likely not lie after what has happened. But if need be, if you think it is needed that is, you may tell him you have told exactly what happened and he ought to also."

Lily nodded. "I should tell you, then?"

"Yes, I think you should," Dumbledore said with a slight smile.

"Well, alright, but, Professor, some of it's - well, it's kind of people our age, things like that, you won't be offended, quite, will you?" Lily asked.

"I teach a school for teenage wizards, Ms. Evans, I hardly believe that I would be offended by much you have to say after many years here," Dumbledore said. "Although if I am - and I doubt it - I will feel free to stop you."

"Alright," Lily said, slowly. "It all started on break, between Advanced Potions and Defense Against the Dark Arts this morning, you see? Well, I've been going out James for a while now, you know? Not that you do, but, well, we have been. Anyhow, we were on break. I was outside, because, well, it's quite loud in the Common Room, honestly, and I couldn't bear it anymore. Remus was out there for mainly the same reason reading a book on…werewolves, was it? Yes, it was. Sir, I don't know Remus very well. He's a good friend of James and he's in a few classes with me, but mostly I only see him when I'm with James, and frankly sir, when I'm with James, well, we're usually, you know…"

"Snogging?" Dumbledore asked, as if testing out the word.

"Sir?" Lily asked, shocked.

"Well, as I said, I teach at a school for teenage wizards and witches, Ms. Evans, it is not as if I am completely unaware of what's going on in my school," Dumbledore said with a small chuckle. "But, please, is this entirely relevant to the story?"

"Yes," Lily said, "it's mainly why James got mad…I think that would be important, wouldn't it? To compare to the stories, perhaps? Or, no?"

"Motive is as important as the crime, Ms. Evans, and you are certainly right," Dumbledore conceded. "If this is as touchy of a subject that you seem a bit embarrassed to tell me of it, then certainly I can gather you are probably telling the truth, albeit a bit pressured. If this does not somehow turn up in James' representation of the story, I will have to assume he may be lying, although I think Mr. Lupin's story will most likely have the most truth in it. Continue, if you would."

"Yes, er, thank you, sir," Lily said, quickly. "As I was saying, I don't know Remus well, so…I don't know why, exactly. Why I just…kissed him like I did. But, anyway, James saw that happen. Basically that was the motive. He knew it was my fault, but most of his anger was at Remus for some reason," she said. "So when James was talking to me, telling me what he had seen in the corridor and Remus showed up….well. Remus, though, he was really calm about it. Something about fangs and fist, to make James put away his wand." Dumbledore seemed to take a lot of interest in that remark, Lily noticed. "Yeah, before then James asked if 'it was tonight' and Remus said yeah, and that Sirius knew. I didn't really know what they were talking about, though. Then James started talking about something real nice and then grabbed out his wand, and used the curse on Remus."

"If I may, interject, what curse was it?" Dumbledore asked.

"James said he saw it in…a book," Lily said, faltering. She didn't want to mention it was Severus Snape's book that James had seen the curse in. It might get James into more trouble, or even Severus, whom Lily didn't have anything against. "It was called Sectumsempra I believe. It made two nasty gashes on Remus' face," Lily said. "Madam Donally says they'll never go away. The scars."

Dumbledore seemed to weigh this heavily. "Yes," he said, "that seems to explain what happened. Afterwards, I will assume, you preformed the healing charm, and Sir Nicolas said you and James talked for a bit. Sirius ran to get Madam Donally. I trust you were scolding James, as Sir Nicolas said he only felt the flicker of death from poor Mr. Lupin. It is only by a miracle that you were there, for I fear if you had not closed the wounds Mr. Lupin would be gone by now. Thank you, if you would send Mr. Potter in?"

—

"Basically this is really pointless Professor," James said. "I mean, I know what Lily told you."

"You do?" Dumbledore asked, raising his eyebrows. "Did you, then, disregarding my direct instructions, decide to stand at the door and listen to what we talked about and Lily's story, Mr. Potter? I would like to believe otherwise "

"Professor, no!" James said, smiling nonchalantly. "No, I wouldn't do that. It's just, if Lily told the truth…then, well, so can I, right? And, if she told the truth, than of course I would know what she told you, right, sir?"

"Quite well worded to defend yourself, Mr. Potter," Dumbledore replied, nodding to him. "Though you seem to have forgotten one thing. I suspected you would forget it. It was the fact that I told you I would know if you were listening. I was only looking for a reaction, thank you for such a marvelous one. You may begin, if you are ready to tell, as you aptly title it, the truth."

James stared at the headmaster in disbelief. Then, slowly he told his story.

—

Lily had returned to her double Defense Against the Dark Arts class to find them practicing using all the new spells that they had learned in the past month nonverbally. She found Sirius who was partnered with Peter Pettigrew, looking disdainfully at his partner as Peter struggled to hex him. Sirius' eyes widened and he left Peter to pair with Lily. "What happened, is he okay?" Sirius whispered as they moved to the back of the class.

Jinxing him with a simple blinding curse that lasted for only a minute or so Lily told him, quietly. People seemed to be watching her every move. "James used a spell on Remus," Lily whispered. "It should be fine, Madam Donally said, but he'll have scars."

"Bloody hell," Sirius said, blinking as his sight came back. He raised his wand and used a Jelly-Legs Jinx on Lily.

"Two years ago, we learned that, Mr. Black," Professor Merrythought said, sighing as Lily used the counter curse on her legs. Sirius only smiled and shrugged dutifully. Professor Merrythought sighed and headed over to where Peter was struggling to curse the wall in front of him.

"Er, but what were they doing, Lily, having a duel or something? Joking around…or, no, not Remus though…was James playing a trick on him?" Sirius asked. He almost didn't seem to be talking to Lily, but assuring himself of something.

"James got mad at Remus so he used a spell he saw in Severus Snape's Potions book," Lily said, not even bothering to fire another jinx at him. "It made two cuts on Remus' face and they're going to scar. James had no idea what the spell was, only that it was 'for enemies' he told me," Lily said harshly. She raised her wand and used Inpendamenti on him. Sirius staggered back and held his stomach.

One hand on the wall, another on his stomach Sirius flipped his hair back and said, "James is a prat sometimes, hell, so am I, Lily. But I don't think James meant to hurt Remus. Why would he want to? I mean, you said James was mad at him. But what would provoke him to use a spell for enemies when Remus is one of his best friends?"

"Inpendamenti, Professor," Lily said as Professor Merrythought came in inquire as to why they were talking and not working on the assignment. "I was the one who made him mad at Remus," Lily said, walking over and standing next Sirius. He wasn't holding his stomach anymore, and was using obviously faked winces to keep the Professor's gaze off of them.

"What'd you do that was so horrible? Of course, knowing James…did you give Remus your homework or something?" Sirius asked, wincing profusely as Professor Merrythought passed them with her eyebrows raised.

Lily knew Sirius better than Remus at least. James and Sirius were pretty close. Lily had talked to Sirius without James there and Sirius often copied off of her homework. Lily knew he was joking about giving Remus her homework  Remus rarely copied off of anyone's work. And if she could kiss Remus she could tell Sirius about it, then. "Er…I, well, I kissed Remus. Like, really snogged with him."

Sirius' eyes widened and he looked near shock. It was more convincing than the winces he had been pretending for nearly five minutes now. "Well…I'm still not fond of what James did…but…but, bloody fucking hell, Lily! Who'd've thought you and Remus would have it in you to do that!"

Lily sighed. "Don't tell anyone, will you, Sirius?" she asked.

"No, I wouldn't," Sirius said, actually looking serious for once. "Swear I wouldn't. Not even James, I'm pretty damn angry at him right now…I mean, firing off an unknown spell for fun is one thing. Firing it off on your best friend when it's used for enemies, quite another."

The logic didn't make great sense to Lily, but she smiled weakly nonetheless as Sirius had her back away. He used the Bat-Bogey Hex on her. Once more Professor Merrythought reminded him. Spells form only this month. "I only remember ones from last year," Sirius said to Lily as she walked away.

—

"So, then, as I was saying, you know, Remus was talking with Lily," James said. "I decided to play a trick on him, you know, using this spell I had seen in a book. It said something about fireworks, so I thought it would surprise them, you know? So I snuck around the corner and used the spell. It's called Sectumsempra, I think, and it had nothing to do with fireworks. I was shocked, I mean, shocked, Professor when Remus got those cuts on his face. It was horrible to see…but Sirius came and went to get Madam Donally. Lily used Healiaro on Remus' face, good thing we had Charms yesterday. And, well, that's it."

"That's what happened?" Dumbledore asked, sounding almost uninterested. He looked slightly bored. James wasn't sure how to take this.

"Yeah…yeah, it is Professor," James said, slowly.

"Ah, well, we'll just have to wait for Remus to wake up then, now," Dumbledore said, leaning back in his chair.

James stared at the headmaster. Then, with quick pleasantries he was dismissed from his office. When James returned to the last hour of the double Defense Against the Dark Arts lesson Professor Merrythought had given them a twenty-four inch paper on the benefits of nonverbal spells and the uses within the benefits. James looked to his normal seat, next to Sirius and in front of the empty desk where Remus usually sat. Shocked he was, then, to see Lily sitting in the seat next to Sirius, pointing at something in his book and whispering to him.

James sat down behind Lily and hissed at her. "What are you doing in my seat?"

"Mr. Potter, I will thank you to keep it down back there, you have a seat, the assignment is on the board, is that not enough?" Professor Merrythought said sharply from the front of the room. James sank down in his chair and mumbled something in assent. Sirius and Lily had leaned forward and seemed very intent on their essays.

For the first time James had a strange feeling in his stomach. The feeling of denunciation, a feeling he had never felt. As he sat in the empty desk behind Lily and Sirius a thought sunk in then to James. One moment had ruined everything, and Remus Lupin would pay dearly for it. 


	4. In The Dawn

Chapter Four: In The Dawn

A/N: I know there are some mistakes in chapter three concerning annoying little boxes, possibly? Let me know where they are. I'll fix them. Chapter Five is in the making. Sorry to disturb. Carry on.

In the dawn a phoenix sang from a window on the top floor of Hogwarts castle. An overwhelming tune of joy and sadness, the story of the beginning and the end of all things. The joy of firsts and the grief of the last breath. Remus Lupin awoke to the song in the hospital wing. Lily Evans sat at the end of his bed. She was looking in the Advanced Potions textbook and mouthing the words as she read. Remus shifted slightly so that he was sitting up. The effort took a lot of energy.

Lily looked up from the book and smiled at Remus who half-smiled back, then coughed. He was feeling especially drained of energy and there was a strange, dull, barely there pain in his right cheek. Raising his hand he felt a surprising, edged line on his face. Lily was looking a bit worried. "It's a…a scar…from what James did, isn't it?" Remus asked, feeling a rising anger in his chest. Of course he kept calm, Remus always kept calm, but the feeling was there.

"Yeah," Lily said, quietly, shutting her book and setting it down next to herself. "There's two of them, Remus. I…James is…well, we told Dumbledore. He wants to hear your story, too. Remus, I told him exactly what happened. I don't know what James did, but, I know you're friends with him, but, maybe you could just tell him what happened. Everything."

"Lily, I don't think you understand," Remus said, forgetting his calm and collected exterior for a moment, snapping at her. "Sorry, it just kind of makes me mad, what James did. I'm not mad at you Lily, not at all. This is beyond what happened yesterday…it was yesterday, right, I haven't been out too long, have I?"

"Yeah, it was yesterday," Lily said. "But what do you mean, beyond? And, Remus…I only just remembered, what was supposed to happen yesterday night? What James and you were talking about? It seemed like you were really sick yesterday. Professor McGonagall seemed to know something. She called Professor Slughorn to come. You can tell me, right?"

"I…er, okay, well, that's two things at once…," Remus began, unsure.

"Tell me about what was supposed to happen yesterday night," Lily asked. "I really do want to know."

The phoenix's song was the only noise as Remus opened his mouth. Nothing seemed to want to come out. How easily the truth had come out when it was to James, Sirius, and Peter. How hard it was to tell Lily, this girl sitting in front of him. She seemed genuinely concerned. But, really, how well did Remus know her? She was a girl he had kissed, a girl who cared, a new…a friend. Nothing more.

"It's confidential," Remus said, looking away. "James and Sirius…—" he decided not to mention Peter…never Peter, Lily would get the information out of him too easily "—only know because I asked Dumbledore if I could tell them. I wouldn't want to break a rule."

"Since when?" Lily asked. Remus turned to see her face full of confusion. "Since when haven't you broken a rule? Not just rules at the school…rules of anything! Maybe you're not as bad as Sirius or James, but, Remus, honestly, when was the last time you didn't break a rule deliberately?"

"I see," Remus said. It broke his heart, honestly to say such things to her, but what else left was there to do? If James would give him scars for life for kissing Lily, what would he do if they went out? And who had even ever said that Remus had wanted to kiss Lily, she had started it, she had. He had pushed her away. She should have remembered that. "Shows how well you know me. Aren't you missing breakfast? I'd think you'd rather miss James, wouldn't you? Though, I have to imagine, Sirius has sided with him, so he can't be sad about it. How stupid of him."

Lily stood up and grabbed her book. "For your information, I'm just as pissed off at James as you are, and so is Sirius. So as soon as you're done being the thick-headed prat I know you aren't…well, then you're free to join us." She stalked out of the hospital wing, trying to figure out if his last remark had been an insult at James…or a compliment to her.

She must've been lying about Sirius, Remus thought to himself, lying back down on the bed. There's no way…then, again. Sometimes, with Sirius, you just don't know. And…damn! Where did Lily get a temper? Perhaps she's had it all along. That must be it. Come to think of it…where did I get the nerve to lie to her or to have temper myself? Well, it better go away soon. I'm not enjoying it very much.

—

It was a…sort of a compliment, wasn't it? Lily thought as she stared at her plate, complete with one slice of toast and a sausage. What'd he say again? That James can't be too sad I'm not — wasn't at breakfast because…because Sirius was there, wasn't it? And then that is was stupid, yeah, stupid of him. That's a compliment, or maybe it was just an insult to James' intelligence. But, no, anyone who's been around James knows he's pretty smart. Maybe sometimes he doesn't exactly act like it…or maybe the problem is that he does…but he is really smart, and Remus would know that.

"Lily, you okay?" Sirius asked. He sat across the table, eating his fourth sausage in a row. "'Ou 'ook…you look like something's bothering you. Though I'd have to be a right git to not realize that something probably is bothering you. Ah, you went to visit Remus…thish mor'ing, wha' he shay?" Sirius asked, eating a piece of buttered toast.

Lily gathered her things and — after Sirius grabbed three more pieces of toast — they left the Great Hall. "He seems kind of drained today, and it's not because of blood loss," Lily said. Sirius looked at bit nervous, and he shifted his books from one arm to the other as they headed to Defense Against the Dark Arts. "Look, Sirius, Remus…he didn't want to tell me, but I could tell he was lying. He said it was confidential, and really, I don't understand why he wouldn't tell me. I care for him, I really do, so why…I don't know. Why?"

Sirius grabbed Lily's arm and pulled her towards the Quidditch award case. No one else was hanging around there. Most people were heading to class or still in the Great Hall. "It is sort of confidential, Lily. And it's not really my place to tell you…but, maybe I should. It might help you to understand," he said, quietly. "But, listen, this is going to change everything. The way you look at Remus, the way you look at me and James and…just everything. But you have to understand, and listen, after I tell you what it is, and not freak out, all right?" "I hardly think I'll—," Lily began.

"Remus is a werewolf," Sirius interjected.

"What?" Lily hissed, looking shocked. "How is that possible? Remus? Remus Lupin? Him? But he's so…nice…and…"

"Well, I don't exactly think he chose for that to be something to happen to him," Sirius said, looking weary, almost regrettable for telling her. "Listen, Remus may be a werewolf, but when it's not a full moon Remus is just a normal guy, Lily. It's not something he likes, you understand? Listen, you can't tell anyone, anyone, what I just told you. Not even Remus. You've got to wait until he wants to tell you, Lily, please? Damn, I shouldn't of told you…"

"No, no, no, no, Sirius," Lily said, grabbing his arm. "You should've. No, I'm glad to know."

"There's more," Sirius said. "James, Peter and I, we've become Animagis, to help Remus you see." He held a hand to Lily's open mouth and shocked look. "Yes, illegally, I know, Lily. It's only to help him, though, because he…well, at least, we think it's better if he has friends with him right?"

Lily nodded and said, "I suppose I can understand that. We better get to class. We can visit Remus afterwards, as long as he still isn't angry at me."

"Oh, I'll talk to him if he's being superior prat as usual," Sirius muttered. "Waving that Prefect badge around…not even using it on anyone but maybe a few Slytherins here and there, you know. I think Dumbledore only gave it to him because he's our friend. Hoped we might be scared of Remus' new found authority. Maybe Peter, but not James and me. No."

"James and I," Lily said.

"What?' Sirius asked, looking confused.

"Nothing, carry on," Lily replied as they headed to their next class.

—

"Ouch!" Remus exclaimed as the Chocolate Frog card Sirius had just handed him bit him. "What — what is this Sirius?" he asked, watching Kennilworthy Whisp snigger at him from the card in his hand. He turned it over to see a faint mouth line between two of the lines of information.

"Isn't it brilliant?" Sirius asked, grabbing it from Remus and sticking it into his pocket. "Made it only last night. Thinking of selling them. You know, around the Common Room. Make a little bit of extra galleons, and get to see people's reactions. You wouldn't say anything, would you?"

"When have I ever?" Remus asked. The card was brilliant, really, as long as it wasn't biting Remus himself. Sirius laughed and threw himself on the next bed, staring at the ceiling. "Hullo, Lily," Remus said, turning to where Lily stood , at the end of the bed Sirius now lay on.

Lily smiled cautiously and grabbed the bed knob, staring at the brassy object instead of the person she was speaking to. "Good to see you…again, Remus. Sirius just wanted to come and, well, he just wanted to tell you…well, go on Sirius and stop looking at me like that!"

Sirius, who had been watching the conversation with much interest scoffed at Lily's last comment. "Looking at you? Not in a century, Evans," he said, with a haughty voice, smiling because he was only joking, although with Sirius, you never could be sure. "Anyway, Remus. Just wanted to let you know, not only do you have huge crowds of girls asking me and Lily if you're all right, if you'll be out here anytime soon and, the ever so popular, does he like Chocolate Frogs or Pumpkin Pasties better — I told them you love them both, as well as many others — anyway, I digress. Point is, not only do you have that, but you have me!" He paused. Remus stared at him. "And Lily! Okay, and everyone else, on your side, got it? Sure, there's small stupid groups of glory-loving girls defending James, and Peter's at a loss for words at who he likes better. But, let's put it this way. I think even Sniv—er, Snape—" Sirius said at Lily's look "—would rather support you."

"This may, in fact, be the best thing that's ever happened to me," Remus muttered sarcastically. "Now I know what it feels like to be you. Girls want to give me food, people are, so on my side. I can't wait until next week when we win the Quidditch match and everyone loves James."

"Silly," Sirius said, "our match is tomorrow, not…next…week…oh. Well, too bad," he said, angrily. "I'll just have…James is captain. Er, but, he attacked you, so shouldn't he be thrown off? It was a pretty bad spell to use on you."

"You have to talk to Dumbledore, Remus," Lily said. "James and I…I told you, we did. But Dumbledore wants to talk to you, too. He says you'll have the most truth in your story. Would you please talk to him?"

"I…well, Lily…I've never been a snitch," Remus said, looking out the window opposite him, trying to avoid Lily's eyes. "And, honestly, I'm not sure I want to start now and be branded one by James. It's not quite my aspiration to be hated, you know."

"But…well, but, Remus," Lily sputtered. "Would you do it? For…me?"

Remus looked at her, startled. Her bright green eyes were looking at him imploringly. She was still gripping the bed knob, tightly. Sirius was watching with intense curiosity as Lily's eyes were brimming with tears and Remus' face turned red. He sighed. "Oh…oh, fine then! Just stop looking at me like that!" Remus cried.

"Oh, Remus, thank you, thank you!" Lily cried. Sirius grinned broadly at Remus who glared at him. "You should go now…ask Madam Donally first though! Oh, I will, I will!" Lily said, excitedly. She smiled happily and rushed to Madam Donally's office.

"Okay," Sirius said, "you either must have put something in her pumpkin juice or that was one good snog the two of you had." He laughed as Remus blushed and threw the bedspread off. He was wearing pajamas, but took off his shirt and began to put on a sweater.

"For your information," he said, as he pulled the navy blue sweater down, "I put nothing in her juice. So I would shut up, if I were you." He pulled off his pants to reveal bright red boxers. Sirius snorted. Remus sighed and put on a pair of jeans.

"So, I'm just guessing here, it was the snogging one?" Sirius asked when Remus turned around to face him. "Just a wild guess, you understand," he said as Remus opened his mouth to protest. "You get emotional pretty easily, Moony, eh?"

"Madam Donally says you can go!" Lily said, emerging from the office in time to see Remus buttoning his pants. "Er, I should go too, you know…studying for things. Everything. Yeah, um, well, Sirius are you coming?"

"I think I'll go with Remus, if that's alright?" Sirius asked. "I figure he might get kind of emotional, so I'll just go along to make sure he doesn't burst into tears or the like, you know — ow! What was that for?" he asked, grabbing his arm.

"For being a prat," Remus replied. "See you later, Lily," he said as Lily left the hospital wing.

"Wasn't being a prat," Sirius muttered.

Remus glared at him.

"Oh, I forgot, you and Lily, you like her, don't you?" Sirius asked, grinning.

"No, she's going out with James," Remus replied, angrily, as they left the hospital wing.

"Somehow I doubt it," Sirius said, sighing as a group of tittering Hufflepuffs sauntered by. One waved at him. Sirius didn't wave back, only rolled his eyes. "I mean, the most contact Lily's had with James since the…whatever, has been this." Sirius stopped dead in his tracks and then turned to glare at Remus and walked towards him, bumping into his shoulder on the way. "But, then again, maybe it's a silly game the two love birds play."

"Well, maybe they aren't going out anymore, Sirius, but it just doesn't feel right. I mean, James has been going out with Lily for a few months now. And they've only just broken up recently. Maybe they can work things out, or something," Remus said. They had reached the statue in front of Dumbledore's office and stopped to stand in front of it.

"Work things out? You want this guy, who attacked you, someone you thought was your best mate, and this girl you like to try and work things out?" Sirius asked, looking shocked. "I — what?"

"Maybe you'd rather Lily and I get together," Remus said. "And maybe that's a bit — a bit of how I feel, too. But, the thing is I'd rather not have them hate each other. Even if they don't get back together at least they can be friends."

"No chance on that one, Moony, but alright, if that's what you think," Sirius said, grinning at his friend. "Now how do you get in here?"

"Er…Lily never told me the password," Remus admitted.

"Sugar Quills," someone said from behind them. The two turned to see Professor Dumbledore standing behind them, smiling serenely. "Hello, Mr. Lupin, Mr. Black. I suppose you'll be here to tell me your version? And, Mr. Black, you're welcome to stay outside the door."

"Well, Lily told me to come," Remus said.

"I would think she would have," Dumbledore said, calmly. "Come along." He swept into his office.

Remus shrugged and left Sirius outside in the corridor. "Am I the only one who's never been in Dumbledore's office out of all my friends, now?" Sirius said, talking to himself.

"It would seem so," said a lady in a large, feathered green and blue dress, lowering her masquerade mask. "What a fine effort you've made to be quite a fine student." Sirius stared at her, then said, "Where have you been?" 


	5. Potions and Punisment

Chapter Five:  
Punishment and Potions

A/N: Contrary to popular belief (well, a few people, at least): There is not any implied Sirius/Lily or Sirius/Remus in this story. It's purely Remus/Lily, and some (sort of) James/Lily. I'm thinking of having a bit of fluffy, slightly implied McGonagall/Dumbledore, because how cute is that? Anyway, once more: NO Sirius/Lily AND DEFINITELY NO Sirius/Remus! Thanks.

Remus Lupin entered Professor Dumbledore's office rather apprehensively. There were a few odd gold and silver spheres floating in the air. Dumbledore strode over to his desk and sat down. Remus followed, quickly. He noticed the phoenix on a golden perch behind the desk. It seemed to be cleaning at it's plumage. "I heard that phoenix singing this morning," Remus said, "when I woke up, you know."

"Ah, yes," Dumbledore replied with a smile, "Fawkes was welcoming you, as a matter of fact. Oddly enough, I think he's in tune with you because of your…shall we call it, animal nature?" The Headmaster grinned appreciatively at the beautiful bird who made a small, pleased noise. "Now, as we are not here to discuss Fawkes, I believe we must touch on a more serious matter, isn't that right?"

"Yes, sir," Remus said, swiftly. "Lily told me…you wanted to hear what I had to say. Well, see, I was out—"

"Thank you, Mr. Lupin," Dumbledore said. "I am sorry for interrupting, but Ms. Evans was incorrect. I do not want to hear what happened. I know that she gave an accurate account of what happened. I have known what happened for a bit now. It wasn't until after Ms. Evans' and Mr. Potter's versions were told, though, that I knew. Do you know what Leglimency is?"

Remus, a bit shocked already, could only shake his head.

"Ah, that probably wouldn't have been learned. It is a very obscure division of magic that is quite effective nonetheless," Dumbledore said. "Leglimency is not mind-reading, as many Muggles peg witches and wizards to have the ability to do. It is less than that, but still important and useful. Leglimency could be called a sort of feeling reading. You can see things like old memories that are full of feelings or dreams if you are skilled enough. But the point is, I can use Leglimency, although I sometimes find it fails me in old age."

"I apologize, sir, but what does this have to do with you knowing what happened?" Remus asked, thoroughly confused.

"Ah, yes, I suppose I am digressing a bit," the Headmaster said with a wry smile. "But only so you can understand. Because the event was so emotional and recent I was able to pull it up easily from your mind. Still, facts remain, when one is asleep or unconscious these things are also easier. It came up pretty clearly what had happened. I had been almost sure that Ms. Evans was telling the truth, and nearly certain Mr. Potter had been lying. Still the facts remained, the victim's story was—"

"Victim?" Remus said quietly, a boiling anger creeping it's way into his throat.

"Well, certainly you see that as you were attacked by someone that would be the proper term," Dumbledore said with a serene smile. "Do you disagree?"

Of course I fucking disagree! Remus wanted to yell. It was a rare moment, and he wasn't sure what provoked. Whether it was the fact that everyone thought he was easily fooled, or the small thought that he was simply a victim, nothing more. Perhaps it was the feeling that everyone seemed to feel so bad for him when, on others, the scars would be marks of a battle and on him they were reason for sympathy. But Remus shut his mouth. "No, sir, I don't," he mumbled, trying not to sound angry.

Dumbledore looked at him with knowing eyes. "As I was saying. The fact remained that your story was much more accurate than Ms. Evans. Not that she said anything wrong, but she could not remember it with such feeling as your version was. I just want to ask you one thing. Not that whatever you say will be done, but I was just wondering, you understand. James Potter will be punished. But you, as the one on the receiving end, what would you suggest happens to him?"

—

James Potter sat in Potions class. He watched as Sirius Black winced while Peter Pettigrew's Draught of Wishes started to emit blue sparks. James had his own table at the front of the room. James was trying to get Sirius' attention when Professor Slughorn stopped at his table. "Your Potion looks well, James," he said, with a smile. "Ready for the N.E.W.T.s?"

"They're not until the end of the year, right, Professor?" James asked, trying to look over his shoulder. Sirius was watching him, he saw, but looked away when James caught his eye.

"Right, you are," Professor Slughorn said cheerily. "Still, ought to be prepared, right?"

"Er, right, Professor," James said, smiling. Professor Slughorn nodded then ran to assist Alexandra Davis, whose potion had burned her hand and was showering a strange, orange mist over her table. James ignored it as the rest of the class watched. He tried to get Sirius to look at him again. Sirius seemed to be trying to ignore him as much as possible. He was cutting the table, rather than his gillyweed and was staring at the wall in front of him, flinching only slightly as a few sparks hit his arm.

Reaching into his bag James pulled out a small bit of parchment and scrawled a quick note to Sirius. He levitated it over to him so it landed on his gillyweed and watched as Sirius froze, then picked up the piece of paper and opened it up. Then, almost hesitantly, he wrote back. He turned around and threw it to James.

Hey, Sirius, look, I know it was a stupid thing for me to do (I seriously regret it) but no one will even listen to me now. I feel extremely thick now, of course. I expect I should try and talk to Moony, but I'm not sure he'll even listen

You're right, it was stupid, James. But, yeah, I expect you should try and talk to him. It's only right, isn't it? But don't expect any sympathy, alright?

James sighed and threw the paper back into his bag. He added the crushed Fairy's Wings to the potion and watched as a simmering red smoke began to drift over the cauldron, like the book said it should. James sighed, he was now supposed to wait for five minutes in which the smoke should turn aquamarine and the potion should become much thinner. There was a knock at the door and a fifth year James didn't know entered the room. Professor Slughorn, who had poured some purple substance into Alexandra's potion and now had things under control, hurried over to him. James didn't really pay attention and put his head down on the table, yawning.

"Mr. Potter, come here please," Professor Slughorn called. James looked up and opened his mouth to protest. "You only have to wait, I trust?" James nodded, warily. "I will put the potion into a vial once the time is up. This is an urgent matter. Go with Mr. Richards here."

James reluctantly gathered up his things and threw them into his bag. He left amidst murmurs and giggles following the fifth year, who was in Ravenclaw. The kid looked terrified. James rolled his eyes. "To Dumbledore, then?" he asked.

"Er, yes," the fifth year said. "I'm David," he added, as if James should care. "Uh, my Mum, she's at St. Mungo's, you know. Well, she was. I went to Dumbledore's office so he could tell me she'd been released and then he sent for you. There was another boy in there, he's a seventh year, too. Is he the one…the one you?"

"How would I know?" James snapped, irritated. "I didn't see who it was."

"He had light brown hair, and —" David began.

"Right, kid, now what's the password?" James asked. He really didn't want to talk about what had happened with a kid he hardly knew. Besides, this David was already getting on his nerves and he had only known him for a few minutes. It was like Peter Pettigrew all over again.

"Er, Sugar Quills," David said. He jumped as the statue began to slowly move. James laughed out loud and shook his head, then entered Dumbledore's office, head held high, hair messed up, and confidence at an all time low.

—

Sirius Black hurried into the Gryffindor Common room. Sure enough Lily Evans was already there, pouring over several books and writing furiously on parchment. She wasn't the only one. They'd had their fair share of homework the whole year. "Lily," he said, hurriedly, "James is — I think he's going to get it from Dumbledore."

"What?" Lily asked, sounding confused. She looked up at Sirius, her eyes wide. "You mean?"

"Yeah," Sirius said. "Remus went into Dumbledore's office, right? Well, he was in there for a while, so I had to head to Potions, right? Anyway, so I get into class and we're making the potions and stuff. Then some kid comes and gets James and Slughorn says it's serious. So I have to imagine…right?"

"Well, yeah," Lily said, breathlessly. "Oh, damn, Sirius, what if they expel him? What have we done? I don't want to get someone expelled! Maybe we can change it! McGonagall has talked about Time Twisters before, we could just go back in time and —-"

"McGonagall said the Ministry only gives them out in extreme circumstances, Lily," Sirius said blandly. "Look, calm down! He won't be expelled, okay?"

"This is EXTREME!" Lily cried.

"Oh, boy," Sirius muttered. "This is why I don't get involved with anyone."

—

Remus watched as James entered Dumbledore's office. James looked severely confidant. Still there was something in his eyes that made Remus doubt the front his friend was putting on. He watched as James sauntered over to Dumbledore's desk, not for a second acknowledging his — friend, he supposed — not for a second acknowledging his friend in the corner. "You wanted to see me, sir?" he said, calmly, although Remus swore he heard some sort of strand of worry in the words. A far off hidden and secret thing that had always been there, behind James' perfectly upheld attitude. The feeling that you had to fall sometime. And this might be it.

Dumbledore nodded at James placidly and folded his hands atop the desk. He leaned forward slightly, his spectacles gleaming in the golden glow from bewitched candles that hung in the air, swaying not an inch. "Based upon your story and the ones told to me by Mr. Lupin," Dumbledore nodded to Remus, James stared at the ceiling, "and Ms. Evans I have to decide that yours held…the least truth, I am sorry to say. Now, normally, an attack upon a student using such a spell and lying to the Headmaster could, at worst, end in expulsion, if not a criminal sentence." James' mouth was agape, his face pale white. "But, I decided that, perhaps, this wasn't the best thing. I thought that maybe I should ask Mr. Lupin, the one on the receiving end, what he thought should happen." James finally conceded to look at Remus, a quick half-glance of fear. "When I asked him, he said, very furiously so, that expulsion was out of the question. He said criminal charges were — his word — nutters, and that, at most, your parents should be notified and you should have a detention. I agreed. So, your parents have been sent owl. You have a week's detention with Professor McGonagall, as she is your head of House. Does that seem fair to you, Mr. Potter?"

"I — I, yes," James stuttered, sounding shocked. Remus looked at the floor as James once more looked at him. He didn't want James' approval, but he did want him to know that this didn't make everything okay. "It sounds more than fair, sir."

"Ah, well, in that case," Dumbledore said, "I have an appointment with one Madam Trelawney. She's trying to convince me to start a Divination class. I think not. Maybe in a few years, but not now. Wouldn't you two agree?" The two nodded, carefully. "Alright, you may go to your Common Room, then. I believe you have a Quidditch match later today, Mr. Potter? Well, seven tomorrow at Professor McGonagall's office, then. Good bye to both of you."

Remus hurried out of the Headmaster's office. James was right behind him but Remus wasn't much looking forward to talking to him. Unfortunately James caught up to him, panting heavily. "Remus — I, er, thanks," he said, looking extremely sheepish. "I mean for telling him not to expel me."

"Well I wouldn't exactly want that on my conscience," Remus said, a bit stiff. "I mean, doing something like that to someone. I suppose I'd feel pretty stupid years from now, even though I wouldn't have much cared now."

James looked hurt and Remus immediately felt a pang in his stomach. He wasn't used to this — being mean to people, that was. "I'm sorry, Moony, really, I am," James said, quietly, his face turning paler by the second. "I just — I got so mad! I know, I have to control my temper. I know you're going to say that. I know I do. The thing is, though, with Lily, it's so hard. I really do care for her, so much, that…something like this — like that, I snap. I don't know why, it makes me so — so angry."

There was swift silence in which Remus stared at James. Then he smiled, knowingly. "That's called love, mate," he said, laughing. James grinned, looking relieved, and said, "Is it? Well good, I thought it was hormones." Remus felt another pang, this one at his heart. Maybe he was too nice of guy, like Sirius said. But it was so obvious that James really did love Lily. Remus just couldn't do something like that to his best friend. But, he realized, as he and James entered the Common Room for their break, wasn't he letting James do the exact thing to him?

—

Sirius was trying to get Lily to calm down. "He won't be expelled, Lily," he said, although he had to expect something of the kind to happen. You didn't attack a student and skip off scot-free. At the very least Sirius was expecting detention every night until the end of the year. At the most he could even be sent to Azkaban, although Sirius highly doubted that. Any one of his friends in Azkaban was a bit laughable, actually. He tried to imagine Remus, but couldn't. Peter; well he could see Peter wetting himself and just about dying at the sight of Dementors. James would probably laugh in their face. Sirius wasn't sure how he would handle it, actually.

"What if he is expelled?" Lily asked, gasping in air. She seemed to be hyperventilating. "What if he's expelled and then years later he finds me? Because he'll know I said something that let him get expelled. And he'll be poor and the Ministry will be tracking him. He'll find me! James will find me and kill me and then throw my body into that lake by my aunt's house, the one with all the pollution. I'll be on every news channel, but it won't be traced back to James because he'll have changed his name to something ridiculous!" Just then James Potter and Remus Lupin entered the Common Room. Lily stared in amazement. "They look downright pleased with themselves," she muttered in astonishment.

True enough the two looked a bit pleased. Remus was saying something about hormones while James grinned and added something about stupid adolescents with a heap of sarcasm. Sirius almost couldn't believe his eyes. Here he was, defending Remus and the prat had to go and be himself again! Not that it was a bad thing, but there he went again, being all nice and grinning happily. Apparently others were noticing too. Upon the two's entrance the Common Room was suddenly abuzz with whispers and chattering between groups of Gryffindors. Still, Sirius managed a bit of a smile to Remus, not to James, as if to say, 'Well, if that's what you're going for.'

Lily looked absolutely shocked as the two joined them by the fire. Remus sat in the chair across from her and James laid down on a couch between the two chairs. Lily kept trying to catch Remus' eye, but he ignored her. Sirius had no idea what to say, and for once it was ultimately Remus who got them started. "When's the Quidditch match, James?" he asked, calmly.

"Er, well, I have to go to practice in an hour, but the game starts in three hours, around five," James told them, looking slightly uncomfortable. Well, Sirius thought to himself, who wouldn't after being such a prat? It seemed Remus was completely ignoring Lily at this point, as she was staring angrily at him, and he seemed downright bored. "I mean, yeah, that's it," James continued, obviously aware of the hostility in the room. "I think I'll — yeah," he said, standing up and shrugging.

"Okay," Remus said. James nodded, cleared his throat then left the Common Room for the Boys' Dormitories. "Lily, shut up," Remus said, as Lily began to open her mouth. Daunted by the words, Lily grumbled to herself and gathered her things, leaving for the Girls' Dormitories.

"Well," Sirius said, not feeling like adding anything else.

"Yeah," Remus said. There was nothing else to be said. Sirius sat down in Lily's empty seat, and stared at the ceiling. It wasn't his place to intervene. Then again, he often intervened where he shouldn't, didn't he? Just this once, though, he'd stay off to the side. If Remus wanted to forgive James, that was his choice. Still. ""It was kind of stupid, forgiving him. You knew how Lily would react."

"I did," Remus said. "But, actually, I didn't forgive James. I never conceded to what he did, or even told him that everything was fine between us. I just don't believe in, well, being a complete and total prat to other people."

"Something you ought to think about," Sirius said, "is that James thinks that particular thing is completely fine. Listen, mate, I'm not forcing you to be angry at him, I'm just telling you. If James was in your situation, you can bet everything he'd be pissed as hell and there's no way he'd be this good to you."

"Right, I'll remember that, then," Remus said, standing up. "One thing you ought to remember, though, Sirius? I'm not James." With that he left the Common Room.

A/N: A little clarification, they had a break at the end of the day, after Potions, at about one, so they don't have anymore classes. I realized there was a bit of confusion there. Or maybe I'm just worried about everything tying together. Whatever the case, there you are. Please review! Thanks to EvanescoDarkness for the reviews, just a little shout out! 


	6. Rogue Desires

Chapter Six:  
Rogue Desires

A/N: It was really hard to write this chapter for some reason, even though I knew what I wanted to happen. But I began to realize what would really happen when I just started over and let things come to me. I guess that's how I do best. There is some confusion going on this chapter. Lily assumes too much, so try and notice that.

Lily sat on her bed, wrought with confusion. There was someone whom she was so angry at. So angry and yet it seemed like seeing him made her confused. She was supposed to be angry at him. For what he had done to Remus and to her. Maybe it wasn't love anymore, but how could her heart just decide to forgive him. She wasn't weak. But was Remus? Was he weak to have forgiven James?

It was a perplexing thought. Did that act make him weak? Not exactly though. Maybe it just made him compassionate. And, yes, in some eyes, weak. But this caused Lily to wonder. Did that one act make James a bad person. No. Not one act. But he had done things similar. Not to friends, but to enemies. Enemies who deserved it? The thought begged many questions. Outside the lake was frozen, stuck in a graceful moment. Lily was stuck in a less graceful one.

In the common room, Lily was sure, Remus would still be. Perhaps with Sirius, perhaps not. James would be at practice by now. Sirius would probably be out in the halls unless he was still with Remus. A chance Lily was willing to take.

Standing up seemed hard. There were things Lily hadn't thought through yet. How did she feel about James? She thought had hated him. But she had once thought she loved him. No more. But did she truly hate him? True, she was angry. This was a revelation. Hate was too strong a word. What she had once thought would keep her hate forever had let go of the hate. Flying through the air it left her atmosphere, written in the stars for only her to remember.

The Common Room was almost empty. Remus was alone in front of the fire, yawning. Sirius was nowhere to be seen. Two second years sat in the corner doing work. A group of fifth years were by the window, talking. Remus looked up as Lily approached. No words were needed. They left for the hallway.

Navigating together to the stairs. Their hands brushed each other. Instinctively, somehow, neither moved away. Lily began after they had gotten to a point of silence where no one was walking, "I don't care, you know. I mean, whatever happened. Did you forgive him? Or…" she trailed off, leaving it open-ended.

"No," Remus replied, looking up at the ceiling, far above. "I didn't really forgive him. I mean, I guess I'm not as angry anymore. I sort of understand why…what happened, why that was. I'm not going to hate him or anything. That would be kind of stupid on my part. I suppose."

"Yeah, I was just thinking that, before I came down to the Common Room," Lily said, feeling relieved. "Sorry for assuming you had forgiven him. It's just that I was so angry, even an hour ago. It's funny how time changes things, isn't it? I mean, one day I'm in love with James, the next day I hate him, and just an hour late I feel like I could almost forgive him."

There was a long moment of silence in which they walked down another flight of stairs. At the end Remus stopped and Lily did the same, looking at him. "Are you going to? Forgive him? I honestly don't care, that's you two, I'm just wondering. If you can, maybe I can too," he said, thoughtfully.

Lily sighed deeply. "I don't know," she replied, brushing some of her hair out of her eyes in frustration. "Truthfully, after what he did the most I can say is maybe. But there's no way I'll get back together with him. I sincerely doubt it. There's other people out there after all." She smiled at Remus, lightly.

"Er," Remus said, looking distraught. "Lily a-about that. If…what are you?"

"I don't know Remus," Lily said. 'It's just…us seems kind of right, doesn't it to you as well? Maybe I'm wrong. But it seems like we fit together better than James and I did. Don't you think? I can't say I've forgotten about James completely. There were times when he was fine. But that was before all this. Things are different now."

Remus opened his mouth as if to say something. But a look of caution covered his face and he looked down. "I can't. Look, not right now at least. I'm not saying never, I'm just saying not right now. Think about what might happen. Not just with James, but between me and you. I mean, you and James used to be fine and now you're reluctant to forgive him. I don't want to rush things and then ruin what we have even right now."

Lily looked at him for a moment then nodded and forced a smile. "I see where you're coming from, Remus. Um, alright. Well, I have some homework to do. You know, studying and stuff. So I'll see you at the game, then, alright?" With that she left for the Common Room, the feeling of anguish in her heart.

—

Catching the Snitch in his hand James felt a surge of power. That had been an hour ago during practice. Now he was with the rest of the team waiting to be called out onto the field. Overhead they could hear the cheers and raucous stamping of the houses. James was immersed in thought. Lily was obviously still mad at him. It had been incredibly uncomfortable in the Common Room. After Lily had left Sirius had also left, but not before smiling at James. At least he seemed not so angry. James had actually talked to Remus for a while after that. Not about anything serious, just the normal, which had actually been pretty nice.

Now, left alone, or at least feeling alone, surrounded by six others, James was left to have thoughts floating in his head. So, Lily wasn't too happy with him. But what was going on with her and Remus? James had been in no position to ask questions and he still wasn't. Still there couldn't be anything going on. It had been a kiss. That didn't really mean much, after all. Suddenly there was a booming voice above all the others. James tried to expel his thoughts as Dumbledore called out the Gryffindor team. At "Potter!" he was ready to go as he burst out to tumultuous cheers and boos.

This was where James felt most in his element. The wind blowing through his hair. The brisk feeling of chills, not only from cold but from hopes of winning. From being so close to the cup. And James was dying to have that happen. To win in his last year. It was all he could want.

Flying up above the rest of the team as they settled into formation. The game was against Ravenclaw. Slytherin was currently in the lead, winning against Hufflepuff in their last game a week ago. Ravenclaw and Gryffindor were tied , having been in a seeming stalemate the entire season. One team would pull ahead, but then the other would. Trailing Slytherin by a mere thirty points. James was to catch the Snitch only when they were forty points or more up. Otherwise they wouldn't win the cup.

The Quaffle was thrown into the air. The Ravenclaw Seeker stayed high up in the air, looking around. The guy annoyed James. He seemed only too bored, as if he knew he would win. James saw a glint in the far right corner of the stadium. Mr. Ravenclaw, there, was closer, and James knew if he went for it Ravenclaw would win in seconds.

Instead he watched intently. The glint disappeared, but James saw it a second later, hovering, near the left side, in between the Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw stands. James didn't dive, but instead started moving steadily. He saw the other Seeker watch him, but dive, slowly, to the right. Hearing a loud noise just to his right James instinctively dived and watched a Bludger go soaring over him, right where he had been before. He heard cheers as Gryffindor scored.

James had lost sight of the Snitch, so he flew back up to the top. There more cheers as Gryffindor scored for a second time, but James hardly heard them. He was nearer to the Ravenclaw side and all he heard were boos. Then soon after came cheers as Ravenclaw scored. Suddenly the Ravenclaw Seeker dived. James heart went beating and he dived after him in vein. Relief came when two of the Chasers went around the Seeker and he lost sight of the Snitch. There were more cheers as Gryffindor scored again. James watched as the Snitch flew behind the Ravenclaw goalposts. With a quick thought he flew to the Gryffindor goal posts.

It worked. The other Seeker followed James erratic movements in time for Gryffindor to score again. There were loud groans as one of Ravenclaw's Chasers was hit with a Bludger and fell to the ground. After he was taken off the field things were almost too easy. Gryffindor scored two more times. They forty up but James hadn't seen the Snitch since it had been by Ravenclaw's goal post almost fifteen minutes ago. Despite the hisses of his team mates to catch the Snitch and fast James didn't see it anywhere. But it seemed his fellow Seeker had as he dove down. But James saw a flicker of gold around the Gryffindor stands. The other Seeker was trying to trick him.

A smile on his face and his heart beating fast James flew straight to where he saw the gleam. The Snitch began to divert, but it was too late. To ecstatic cheers and angry cries James caught the Snitch, while Gryffindor was seventy points up. Effectively grabbing the Quidditch Cup for Gryffindor. As he held it up James grinned at the Gryffindors in the stands. They were sheering wildly. Then he saw Remus, close to Lily and leaning in and—horrible pain in his shoulder and falling to the ground. Yells. And dark.

—

Remus sighed and looked out the window. The hospital wing was silent, but not empty. Lily sat on the end of James' bed. Sirius was asleep, leaning against the wall, below the window. Remus was sitting on the bed next to James'. "So that prat just hit one at me?" James was saying angrily.

"Yeah," Remus replied. "I mean, we were all happy and cheering and stuff. I was telling Lily how cool it was, you know, that we won our seventh year, after all. And you looked kind of immersed in the moment. And then one of the Beaters, the kind of scrawny one, just hit a Bludger at you. Just wham sent it flying. It hit you and you just kind of slumped over and fell. Madam Hooch caught you, but Dumbledore was furious. He started yelling at that kid."

"Hooch was pretty mad as well," Sirius said. H yawned and grinned. "Wasn't really asleep," he laughed. "She started screaming about the penalties and rules and how his parents would be sure to hear about it. The team started yelling at The Ravenclaws and we were all booing."

"Correction, Sirius, you were booing," Remus said, rolling his eyes.

"Well, yeah, but well deserved," Sirius said. "What assholes. I swear I could just…if I see him in the halls he better run for his life. That is if there weren't rules where I couldn't kill students. You know, though, on the Express…or Hogsmeade. That's only a week away. And that's not school grounds. He could have an accident at the shack, eh, Remus?" Remus blushed and glared at Sirius. "Er, I mean, well, Remus could help in some way."

"Dinner's being served," Madam Donally said, entering the room. "If you all want to go down. You can bring something up for Mr. Potter and eat up here."

"I'll go," Sirius said, standing up, happily. "Remus, come on, you'll need to carry some of the plates, huh?" Remus sighed and grinned at lily and James, getting up and following Sirius and Madam Donally out of the hospital wing.

A stark silence followed. "Um, Lily," James began.

"Shut up," Lily said. She blushed. "Er, I mean, I have to say something. But, I have to know, are you sorry? For what happened? Just tell me the truth. I'm still going to say the same thing no matter what you answer, understand that."

James nodded. He ran a hand through his hair. "I apologized to Remus. I mean, I felt so stupid after it happened. It was such a stupid thing to do. But, you have to understand, Lily, why I did it. Damn, this is hard to explain to you. Maybe it's because this is so weird to say. Not weird, because, well, I mean it. I've just never said this to you before for some reason. It just made me so angry. To see what happened. But I don't care about that anymore. Yeah, it was a stupid thing to do. But I did it because I…well, honestly, I love you."

Lily stared at James for a long minute. "Well, um, I--what I was going to say was I forgive you. I do. Maybe I'll never be okay with what you did, but, I can't hate you forever. But, after hearing what you just said, James, maybe that's not enough," Lily said, smiling, "I don't know why, but maybe…I love you, too, James."

A/N: Yeah. You read right. Dumbledore did the commentary for the Quidditch game. Oh, yeah, and Lily did really say that. Now, now, there's four more chapters to go. Review? 


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